RUCKA'S BIOGRAPHY

Rucka Rucka Ali - The Voice of a Fuckin' Generation.

Most noted for his parody videos on YouTube, Rucka Rucka Ali has garnered a worldwide cult following of die-hard fans and supporters, better known as Rucka’s Nuckas. These Nuckas have overthrown YouTube’s staff, and are currently plotting to overthrow their respective governments in favor of a One-World Nucka Nation.

The genesis of Rucka Rucka Ali is difficult to trace. Some archeologists believe Rucka was the first ape to stand with an erection, while others credit Rucka for inventing fire (in order to light his crack pipe).

CENSORED
Censored Image is a massive penis ejaculating into lava.

Most scientists theorize Rucka Rucka Ali first made his mark on Earth billions of years in the past, by ejaculating into an ocean of lava and creating unicellular life. A number of scientists link Rucka to the Big Bang, while strict religionists insist that Rucka’s earliest action was teaching Jesus to speak Chinese some 5,000 years ago (in 3000 BC) [when the world was created (by Rucka)].

Rucka Rucka Ali first appeared on the Internet in 2006. The Internet, which he had invented, was at the time mostly used for porn and endless political arguments. Rucka launched a MySpace Music page, which featured some of the greatest rap music to date. 90% of historians will credit Rucka Rucka Ali for inventing Hip-Hop, although there is some evidence of it existing beforehand. In 2008, Rucka Rucka Ali uploaded his first video on YouTube.
CENSORED
It was called I Can Do Whatever I’m White. The reaction was massive, as millions of people commented, “racist” “racest” “raciest” “rascisst” and “lol racit.” The video was not, in fact, racist at all, but rather a clean and family-friendly medley of truth. The video featured Rucka in famous parts of Detroit (if by “famous” you mean parts that haven’t been burned down yet). Since then, Rucka Rucka Ali’s videos have all been racist.
CENSORED
100% Accurate portrayal of every Asian person.

Several months after Rucka’s YouTube debut, Ching Chang Chong and Ima Korean took the world by storm. By portraying accurate stereotypes of Asians, Rucka Rucka Ali was able to educate his viewers while entertaining them.

YouTube’s staff deleted Ching Chang Chong on the grounds of “Hate Speech,” which prompted thousands of Rucka’s Nuckas to re-upload the banned video onto their own channels. YouTube’s staff accepted defeat and returned to their glamorous job of forging view counts and promoting unfunny video blogs by helium-sucking faggots.

CENSORED
Rucka: the face of compassion in a time of need.

As a result of Rucka Rucka Ali’s earth-shaking videos, a small primitive country named Haiti was hit with an earthquake. While so-called celebrities gathered for huge benefit concerts and self-indulgent hand jobs, Rucka took the nobler route by writing a heartfelt song called Don’t Be A Playa, Haiti. The song pointed to eerie parallels between Haiti’s earthquake and Norway’s lack of doing anything, and how both countries have no effect on anybody. Haiti earned Rucka Rucka Ali a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize, but the Prize was given instead to some black guy named Obama for doing about as much as Norway.

CENSORED

Norway, Sweden, and the rest of Scandinavia (Finland?) soon became hotbeds of Rucka’s Nuckas. England, Australia and Canada began to burst with Nuckas, as well. Seeing this, Rucka Rucka Ali ordered the U.S. government to point its missiles away from those countries and to point them instead at more deserving targets (IE non-English speaking lands full of brown people).

CENSORED
Priorities: Cops beat a black guy before dealing with a pile up.

Go Cops was Rucka Rucka Ali’s next hit song, written to illustrate the bravery and heroism of Detroit’s finest. It became an instant favorite of police officers everywhere, which earned Rucka extra-legal status in most States. Although his running of red lights caused several car pile-ups and dozens of fatalities, it is commonly agreed that Rucka Rucka Ali has earned his right to legal immunity.

CENSORED
One of Rucka’s finest crack rock sweatshops.

Around that time, Rucka Rucka Ali became the biggest name in music. The entire industry was transformed by his words, and his words were transformed into pandering insults. As a way to reach the troubled youth, Rucka wrote Justin’s Beaver, a friendly tribute to a certain handsome lady. This made Rucka extremely popular in elementary schools around the world. Like any smart business man, Rucka Rucka Ali enlisted his young fans to work in crack rock sweatshops.

Of course, not all of Rucka Rucka Ali’s influence on the youth was positive. But most of it was. For example, a group of bright young Nuckas viewed Ima Korean during class at a private school in England. Finally, children were beginning to learn in school. Rucka had succeeded where the education system had failed. However, it wasn’t long before the media distorted the facts. A Korean news outlet, BBC, saw the event through a slanted eye.

As if he hadn’t already done enough for humanity, Rucka Rucka Ali then decided to go find Osama Bin Laden. He booked a flight to Pakistan, packed up his guns and his Arab-sniffing Cuban pit bull Pitbull, and went on his way. During the cab ride to the airport, Rucka noticed that his cab driver was Osama Bin Laden.
CENSORED

When they arrived at the airport, Rucka gave Osama a couple shots of whiskey, which placed him slightly above the legal blood-alcohol driving limit. This, obviously, led the buzzed-driving Bin Laden into certain catastrophe and instant death by car crash. Obama later took credit for killing Osama, which was the first time a black guy ever admitted to killing anyone (or to doing anything).

CENSORED
We’re all in Rucka’s world now…

Rucka Rucka Ali has worked hard to rule the world. When he achieved global superstardom, he used his celebrity only for good. In the face of censorship, Rucka prevailed with grace. And when offered drugs, he said no problem. Is Rucka Rucka Ali perfect? Possibly. Is he racist? Probably. Has Rucka made mistakes? Certainly not. As Rucka Rucka Ali continues to bless this planet with the simple gift of song, one thing grows increasingly evident: we’re all in Rucka’s World now.

Now buy something, bitch